Jokes for my kittens out there.
Not all I write or share is doom and gloom. Not sure if everyone will get these jokes as the first 2 requires a bit of french but I think they are worthy of being up on the Upset Kitten site.
2 cats and a river
There are two cats trying to cross a river.One of them is English, and is called ‘One, Two Three’, the other, a French one, is named Un, Deux, Trois. Which one do you think succeeded in getting across the river?
One, Two, Three of course, because Un Deux Trois cat sank!
The Bacon Tree
The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. ‘Jean Luc!’ he exclaims. ‘You weel nevar believe! I ‘ave ‘eard word of a bacon tree!’. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs ‘Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!’. ‘Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!’. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-Pierre providing direction to the enigmatic ‘bacon tree’. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. ‘Stay ‘ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!’ said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn’t returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. ‘Jean-Pierre! What ‘appened!!’ exclaimed Jean-luc. ‘Mes amis, that is not a bacOn tree…..it is a HAMBUSH!!!’
One Liners, guaranteed to amewse even the most sour puss.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he’s in a bad mewd.
What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.
Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!